I SAW MY GIRLFRIEND KISSING SANTA CLAUS (1995)

I went shopping with my girlfriend just the other day
And things just got a little weird
I stepped out to sneak a peek at all the lingerie
I came back and she had disappeared
I found the toy department
I pulled back a flap
I saw my baby sitting on Santa’s lap
They were hugging, they were kissing, they were smooching & caressin’
All over his beard

Oh, Santa, Santa
Don’t make me cry
I’m in love with this woman and that’s no lie
Why doncha go and find some cute little elf?
I wanna keep my baby all to myself
Oh, Santa, Santa
Don’t make me weep
Who’da thought that Santa was a big, fat creep
I’m the saddest Who in Whoville that there ever was
Since I caught my only baby kissing Santa Claus


I took a look behind me at the Christmas tree
A line of kids stretched down the aisle
My girlfriend stayed a-sittin’ on Santa’s knee
They were turning up the romance dial
I cleared my throat
I let out a yell
He jumped up with a tingle of his jingle bell
(And as he) took his place my girlfriend stood there smiling
A Candy Cane smile

Oh, Santa, Santa,
Don’t make me sad
I love my little baby and I’ve been had
I looked the other way and how could I know
(She had a) secret little stash of mistletoe
Santa, Santa, (I’m) climbing the walls
Cause she’s the one I wanna have deck my halls
(I’m a) glummer drummer boy and I get no applause
Since I caught my pretty baby kissing Santa Claus


My honey stood there grinning with a happy glow
And I was all lit up like a wire
She said she only got in good with Santa so
He’d bring us stuff we desire
I said to her, “Santa
Better hang up his wreath,
’Cause all I want for Christmas is his two front teeth,
(And if he’s) sliding down our chimney then I’m gonna build me
A mighty big fire”

Oh, Santa, Santa
Give me a break
I’m in love with my baby, that’s no mistake
I know I’ve been naughty once or twice
But I promise next year that I will always be nice
Santa, Santa
She’s on my list
She’s the sweetest little sugarplum I ever have kissed
I’m the reddest-nosed reindeer in the world because
I caught my pretty baby kissing Santa Claus


(Very optional bonus chorus)

Santa, Santa
Don’t make me blue
I’m in love with my darling, you know it’s true
Wrap her up as a present for me
Let me open her up by the Christmas tree
Oh, Santa, Santa, Don’t leave me low
I can’t believe my baby is a Ho! Ho! Ho!
I’m the frostiest snowman with the coldest paws
And I caught my gal red-handed kissing Santa Claus