IT'S MY FUNERAL (1997)

Standing in the shower in an out-of-town hotel
When I heard the telephone ring out clear as a bell
Couldn’t tell her fast enough to not pick up the phone
Couldn’t keep the fiction up that I was there alone

Now I’m making tracks up 95
Savoring my last few hours alive

Tune up the organ and play me a dirge
Lay out my suit on the bed
Order my coffin you don’t have to splurge
Make sure it covers my head
Give my goodbyes to the gang
I’m going out with a bang
Time I confessed that I really have messed up and how
Ooh! Oh! Ow!
Am I a dead man now!

Line up the mourners to fill up the pews
Pile bouquets in a heap
Look for a gravesite and carefully choose
Dig it at least six feet deep
Rushing to my execution
Hoping to get absolution
Drive without stopping while constantly mopping my brow
Ooh! Oh! Ow!
Am I a dead man now!

Caught with my hand in the cookie jar
Like a roach when you turn on the lights
Gonna own up to a couple of wrongs
Maybe I’ll get my last rites

Give me two pennies to put on my eyes
I’m putting up no defense
Tell her no stories and tell her no lies
Let her put in her two cents
I’m gonna cross that big river
After I stand and deliver
Done with the ladies I’m going to Hades, I vow
Ooh! Oh! Ow!
Am I a dead man now!