BERTRAM R. HARRISON'S ACE REMOVAL SERVICE (2006)

Well you can gnaw on the scraps
Of an anxious dinner
Have a collapse
When you finally see
Who’s the winner

And you can pick at a scab
With your index finger
Fumble and grab
The remote when you see
Jerry Springer

You can call on the gods of detritus
Maybe they’ll send a sign to incite us
Maybe it’s flu or another bout of colitis
You’re seldom ever sure

(rise)

But you can take out your appendix
With a Do-It-Yourself kit
From the hardware store

(chorus)

You can take out the trash
You can burn your yesterdays to ash
You can take out a loan
Borrow some tomorrows you don’t own
You can take out a Sunday ad
Try to sell the time share in Trinidad
You can take out some insurance for the day you haven’t had

Bertram R. Harrison’s Ace Removal Service
Bertram R. Harrison’s Ace Removal Service
Bertram R. Harrison’s Ace Removal Service

(v2)

Well you can stare in your drink
At your bored reflection
Sit on the brink
Of some terribly odd
Introspection

And you can hide on the deck
While the sun in shining
Call for the check
In the midst of the God-
Awful whining

You can fight your wars of attrition
Sell your soul to some inquisition
Vote yourself the President of Indecision
You’re always premature

(rise)

But you can take out your appendix
With a Do-It-Yourself kit
From the hardware store

(chorus)

You can take out the trash
You can burn your yesterdays to ash
You can take out a loan
Borrow some tomorrows you don’t own
You can take out a Sunday ad
Try to sell the time share in Trinidad
You can take out some insurance for the day you haven’t had

Bertram R. Harrison’s Ace Removal Service
Bertram R. Harrison’s Ace Removal Service
Bertram R. Harrison’s Ace Removal Service

(bridge)

The disappointments pile up to the ceiling
The wasted minutes cover what’s so revealing
Your little caprices fill so much space
I don’t have any room
For cutting to the chase

I don’t care anymore

(rise)

But you can take out your appendix
With a Do-It-Yourself kit
From the hardware store

(chorus)

You can take out the trash
You can burn your yesterdays to ash
You can take out a loan
Borrow some tomorrows you don’t own
You can take out a Sunday ad
Try to sell the time share in Trinidad
You can take out some insurance for the day you haven’t had

Bertram R. Harrison’s Ace Removal Service
Bertram R. Harrison’s Ace Removal Service
Bertram R. Harrison’s Ace Removal Service (keep repeating)